New Year's Eve Fun-Liners

The year 2011 is almost here. So we better welcome it with laughter and cheers. Enjoy these, folks. Happy New Year to all!

New Year’s Eve, when millions will party ‘till midnight, then start the new year by kissing somebody with really bad breath.

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Gee, the year is almost over and I still haven't broken my New Year's resolution--never to go to another New Year's Eve party. Honest, I haven't been to one all year.

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Miller Beer keeps telling you to think when you drink, but what they think is that you'll think when you drink you can still think. The truth is, when you drink you can't think. Sobefore you drink, think -- and then don't drink. Remember, New Year's Eve never changes: it begins with drinks and ends with drunks.

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Most people celebrate Christmas with relatives. That's why New Year's Eve was invented. It's a chance to celebrate with people you actually enjoy celebrating with.

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New Year's Eve is the one night of the year when the loaded guns in this country are outnumbered by the loaded people.

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Every year millions of people want a New Year's Eve they'll never forget. Then they drink so much they can't remember it.

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I was thinking about making a New Year's resolution, but what the heck--why tamper with perfection?

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My New Year's resolutions are to start smoking again, quit my diet, and watch a lot of TV. I think I owe myself some realistic goals.

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I'm all for MADD--Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. But I think what we really need is BADD--Bartenders Against Drunk Drivers.

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Hey, have a great New Year's Eve. Remember to drive carefully, arrive home safely, and don't embarrass yourself. In other words, make sure you're sobered up, buckled up, and zipped up.

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The only resolution ever I kept from a New Year's Eve party: Never drink tequila too close to a Polynesian fire dancer.

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If you have too much to drink at a nightclub on New Year’s Eve, they give you something to sober you up-–the check.

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Why would anyone who doesn’t drink want to go out on New Year’s Eve? Not only do you pay outrageous prices to be around a bunch of drunks, but the next morning youremember it!

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Have you noticed? When people go out partying until midnight on New Year's Eve, they always count backwards....